I wrote this just for fun. I was such a big fan of noir films and books, Raymond Chandler, James M. Cain--anyway, I wrote this horror/noir! It's spoofy and fun!
Toothsome Came the Vampire!
My secretary told me. "There's a lady to see you. I think you're gonna want to see her!"
Josie, all smirky and long looks showed this babe in. I gave her the once over twice.
"What can I do for you." I was all cheesy grin. What killed it was her. She smiled and flashed the longest incisors I ever saw. That could be a problem I thought.
"You've been highly recommended, Mr. Spillstreet. Some of the undead remember how you helped them after they were turned. That's why I'm here."
"Gee, that's nice.”
“Yeah and that's not all. You see Mr. Spillstreet, there's this guy I want you to find for me. He turned me and left me flat. The first year of a vamp's existence is the hardest and it ain't no good when you get dumped. Do you think you can help me?"
I asked her if she wanted a scotch and she laughed. “What's that on your face, cut yourself shaving?” She asked, licking her lips.
I thought of Dracula with Bela Lugosi and dropped my cigarette. She offered me one of hers. "They're specially made for me, kind of moist. You might not like them, it's an acquired taste.”
I reached for it. I had to. Something was making me do it. I knew I'd be sorry and frankly I didn't care. If I went the blood sucker route so what? 'Course I'd have to change my hours…