Sunday, December 20, 2015



The meeting began promptly. A towering and decomposing hulk of a creature lurched up to the front of the class and announced:

“I’m Harvey and I’m a zombie!”

The other zombies were on their feet applauding. “Good on you, Harv!”

“Way to go!”

Harvey was overcome. Well, overcome for a zombie is kind of different than for anyone else. The tear ducts are gone, so sighing is all a zombie can do really.

Harvey sighed. “I’m so glad I came!”

Renaldo Gizzard blew Harv a kiss. “You honor us.”

The truth was this support group was solely Renaldo’s idea.

"We’re not all monsters the way the movies portray us as stomping flesh- eating morons who can’t string two words together!”

Sadly, most zombies were stomping flesh-eating morons who couldn’t string two words together but some weren’t. Some were tragic, moldering carcasses who wanted to support one another and share their angst.

“It helps to know we are not alone. You are not alone. Yes, friends we can help one another.”

Their support group was pretty new. They had only begun meeting shortly before Thanksgiving. As a matter of fact they had gotten together for their very own Thanksgiving Dinner.

Harvey still lived at home with his living mother (she insisted) so he wasn’t certain he could leave her alone on Thanksgiving, but he did and to her credit she encouraged him.

Thanksgiving went nicely. They shared a vegetarian roast Renaldo made from scratch. Even in his undead state he still loved to cook. At his worst (flesh eating) he insisted his fare be prepared in just the right way.

They discussed a lot of things at that dinner. One of which was how they should exist.

Renaldo as always tried to teach them to stomp in the light.

“There are choices! We can eat live flesh or we can choose not to. It’s your decision! Mine too!

And so it was.

And if Thanksgiving was great, Christmas was even more special for they had all spent it with Harvey and his mother.

Yes more vegetarian food although some had eyed Harv’s mom up a bit. Well she was pleasingly plump and if Renaldo and Harvey were now above eating human flesh, Big Guy, Maggot and Grave Stench were not.

Yet they were under control and Renaldo was proud. He told them so.

“I am delighted with you all and I have decided to throw a New Year’s Eve bash for all of us!”

And he did too. There was veggie party food and balloons and music. There were even DVDs to watch, with the exception of undead films. Just a precaution you understand.

As midnight approached Renaldo and Harvey were talking about the growing numbers of zombies.

“You see if we don’t do something soon, something to redirect our species away from the carnage, the world will be in a nightmare.”

It was true. And the truth made everyone pretty sentimental. Even Grave Stench and Big Guy began reminiscing about the past. As for Maggot he was sobbing about how bitterly he missed his living life.

Renaldo had a real crying jag on and began speaking about a hair salon he had in the Village years before.

“I used to cut Elton John’s hair! Imagine. What would he say now?”

Everyone tried to assure Renny that Elton John was a nice guy and would not make judgments. But Renny disagreed.

“We frighten people! No matter what we do we frighten the hell out of them!”

“We’ll have to change, with your help we will!” Harvey piped up.

Maggot agreed. “You have made us understand, Renny. And in truth there is knowledge.”

“And in knowledge we will be able to change!” Big Guy sobbed.

Grave Stench just nodded, he was so emotional he couldn’t speak.

But all was not well. Harvey sensed it. And when there was a knock at the door, he rushed to answer it for he felt it was his mother. She was supposed to drive him home.

He let her in and stood in front of her lest something happen. Actually he was right about something being wrong for he could see the way the others were staring at her and rubbing their tummies, even Renaldo appeared to be salivating!
Suddenly Renny rose to his feet. “Come here,” he grinned. "I would like to wish you a happy new year!”

“You leave my Mom alone!” Harvey shouted as all of them began stomping toward his mother.

But they stopped in their tracks as another voice called out:

“Anyone order pizza?”

Renaldo looked ecstatic. “Holy moly!" he said. "I forgot about that. Come in young man!"

They ate well that night. Yes, sadly they succumbed to the flesh, even Harvey did. A leopard doesn’t change its spots you see. And because that is true Harvey’s mother would soon become history too.

Well they did have to see the New Year in properly didn’t they and besides, they could always mend their ways--and if not, so what?!

© Copyright 2011 Carole Gill

Hope you enjoyed that! There's more twisted tales where that came from! 

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