Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Flash Prequel to Snow White!

Queen’s journal.

I don’t care what anyone says, the kid is a pain. She’s so sweet, I have to check myself for diabetes. Every time I see her, the sugar levels sky rocket. I mean is that fair? It’s not like I don’t have problems. Her father for instance, he’s always talking about Snowy’s mother. What a saint she must have been. I haven’t spit on her grave yet, but it’s only a question of time until I do.

Those seven little bastards from the forest came around again. Generally, one or two two come at the most and I can get rid of them quickly only this time, they had Neighborhood Watch pamphlets with them! So not interested. 

"This is really important stuff!" Dopey said. Yes, I knew it was Dopey. That big broad smile, the glazed eyes. His big feet looking as though they were never going to budge. Doc was with him. "Community service order," he said. 

I knew what that meant. Dopey was nicked for something again. Oh, it's never serious, really--something minor no doubt but the forest has its rules. Feeling magnanimous, I hired him as a servant.
Doc looked ever so pleased. Score one for stepmummy! 

I like Dopey. He's really a sweet little dumbbell. I remember his mother. Cute little elf. Pretty too, but not terribly bright.  I mean, after all, she took up with Goofy. Prego before she knew it! Goofy didn't care, he just guffawed and went away, into the next cartoon probably. 

Just thought of something. Will have to ask Dopey if he knows anything about Snowy's nickname. Made a note of that. 

Snow got on my nerves. She was busy with the pamphlets, highlighting what she thinks will be of benefit to me! How facetious is that!

"Step Mummy, this is an important article. You really should read this. You will feel better!"

"Everything's under control. We only had one castle breech that wasn't serious and besides, I feel perfectly fine!" I said. "Snowy, why don’t you go out and play in the quicksand?"

She’s so dumb, she looked all excited and said. "Oh! I’d just love to. where is it?!"

I said I’ll take you there.

I did too. I know where all the good stuff is, see? She was just about to step into it when one of those G.D. Disney birdies warned her. Can you believe it!

I told that bird off and it pooped on my head! I need more valium, I have to ask the royal doctor for another prescription. he’s on the cautious side. My luck.

Snowy’s calling me. I better go and see what she wants. You see no one knows what really goes on here. Some day I will tell the world about the Snow White they don’t know. The evil little bitch that is reading up a lot on voodoo lately.

A new mirror came today, I like it very much. I ordered it online. It’s supposed to be good for a person’s self image. I don’t see how that’s possible, but heck who knows, right?

Meanwhile. Hasta la vista baby! Step mummy’s going to have a few shots so she can get through the rest of the day. HI HOOOOOOO!!

Course I can always ask Dopey for something...!

© Carole Gill 2017


  1. Great story! SOOO funny! I like how you took step mom's perspective and turned Snow White bad in her eyes. I've always thought it would be fun to write some fairy tales that turn the good princesses into the bad ones.

    1. thanks! sure, go for it! i'd love to read that! Turn them on their heads!! :D

  2. ps it was easy to have that perspective! i AM a stepmother!!! and my stepdaughter calls me Evil Stepmother, which i have always loved! hahah She knows Snow White is my fave and the queen scared the beJesus out of me as a child!