An Ode to Trolls

GOTHIC TROLL

Not an 'ode', more like an odious homage! 

It was ugly and it stank. It had green skin and scales. That’s what it really looked like unless it morphed into its disguise. It had a number of different ways it could look, each of them human- looking and pleasant. The stench also magically vanished when it altered its appearance.

It liked to leave product reviews. Any product, it didn’t matter. Books, films, washing machines, cures for hemorrhoid preparations, boils, fecal vomiting and the like.

It suffered from a number of such complaints and had done ever since childhood. Now it was a fully grown troll.

It hadn’t yet had sex with a female troll or any other kind of girl monster. It had summoned up enough courage to ask a human chick out on a date but it had its disguise on. Still, it was refused.

“Get lost, creep!”

Oh that hurt! Trolls have feelings, too you know!

Hurrying back to the sewer it called home, it felt inspired. It felt powerful, sexy—masterful. It knew it was imbued with the stink wisdom that trolls learn as children.

Oh! Sure! There is the Bastard Troll Book of Wisdom. And child trolls study it as do some adult ones.

Compensate for feelings of inadequacy! Go forth and give negative one or two-word reviews on products! Get into it!

Still, it came to pass that the Great Troll of the North began to spot opportunities where all the stinky, untalented trolls could make themselves known. Spout! Spout! And be heard!

And lo and behold they became as one. One voice, one desire, one troll!

Trolls are everywhere! They are because the world has need of their negativity, their stupidity and their rottenness and if you find one, befriend it. Just try and stand downwind from it.

Ask and the trolls shall answer!

For wherever there is ignorance, spite, malice, jealousy, vindictiveness, there you will find he, that is the embodiment of all negative crap.

To be continued! And if not, it won’t be!